
“Excuse me, please! I have something I want to say. It’s my birthday, and I’m tired of being pinched, noogied, hit, hugged too tight, picked up, tickled, and touched in ways that I don’t like. I am six years old, and I’m the boss of my body!” Ruby’s Studio: The Safety Show
One morning a couple of weeks ago, I was dropping off my 5-year-old, Rachel, at school. I asked her, “Do you want a hug or no hug today?” One of her teachers overheard, and called to me in a playful way, “Ooh, you’re setting yourself up with that one!” While I know that she was joking, I took her comment to mean that, in giving Rachel a choice, I was setting myself up for years of rejection. Of course, an underlying assumption is that I would take her desire to skip the hug as a rejection in the first place.
This element of personal physical boundaries with loving family members is central to teaching our kids about safety. If I don’t teach my children how to say no to me, one of the safest people in their lives, how will they know how to stay safe in other relationships or in future situations?
Last summer, I was at the bay with some friends and their kids. We were swimming, and I saw one of the dads picking up his two young daughters, hanging them over his shoulders, throwing them into the water, and laughing, despite their clear and adamant protests. I watched as they tried repeatedly to tell him to stop, and finally I commented, “They really don’t seem to like what you’re doing. ” He looked at me, amused, and replied, “Never stopped me before.”
An even more common scenario is the one in which kids are pressured into kissing or hugging family members good-night. I’ve seen some parents even become angry and shaming: “Go kiss your grandmother. You’re hurting her feelings.” I wonder if this reaction is out of embarrassment. We all want our kids to be polite and respectful. But when we expect children to put aside their natural feelings and instincts in order to please the adults in their world, are we respecting them? I believe we unintentionally train them to disregard what they feel and need. They don’t learn to identify their own physical boundaries; instead, they learn to read what others want from them and to provide it.
How can we begin to change this dynamic?
First, we can introduce the concept of choice with our kids.
Rachel loves hugs but never wants to be kissed unless the kiss is for a “boo-boo.” In moments when I forget and accidentally kiss her, I acknowledge my mistake to her. Giving Rachel this respect also helps her to understand that her big sister, Clara, has physical boundaries that need to be respected. When Clara is upset by one of Rachel’s hugs that has gone on too long or is very tight, Rachel can feel some empathy in imagining how she would feel if someone were to shower her with kisses.
Second, we can check in with our kids about physical routines.
Children want so badly for us to be happy with them. They may be reluctant to bring up how they really feel about a form of physical contact that has become an expectation. Inviting them to be honest can make a big difference. Every now and then, we can ask, “Is this nighttime cuddle something you still want? Is there anything you want to change?” I have been surprised a few times by my kids’ answers.
Third, we can notice our kids’ body language and ask about it.
Clara likes to cuddle and hug under certain circumstances– first thing in the morning, and at the end of the day to wind things down. When she’s just arrived home from school, she’s hungry and full of stories; if I try to give her a hug, I can feel and see her body tense up. I might say, “You’re not in the mood for a hug right now.” We don’t need to have a big conversation about it. We just move on, and Clara connects in a way that feels good to her; she shares the details of her day.
Finally, we can ask ourselves what we get out of the dynamic with our kids.
Do I feel rejected when my children don’t want to be close to me in a certain way? Do I need them to show affection right now so that I can feel good about myself? If I’m provoking or teasing them when we play, maybe I just haven’t thought of other ways to relate to them. If I’m pushing them to sit on a relative’s lap and they are resisting, is it because I myself have a fear of disappointing people? How did I come to believe that I have the right to require from my kids something they don’t want to give freely? Maybe I experienced this pressure when I was a child. How were my own physical boundaries treated?
Some school mornings, Rachel wants to hold my hand and walk me through the classroom so I can see her latest job posted on the wall (“Water Plants” this week), say hello to the class fish, Daisy, and admire her drawing tacked to the wall; she wants a lingering hug and an “I love you. I’ll see you this afternoon.” Other mornings, she races into the room without looking back, heads straight to her best friend to compare wiggly teeth, and is perfectly content with a wave from me as I turn in the doorway. What matters to me is that she can make the decision herself.
Respecting My Kids Series
This post is part of a series called “Respecting My Kids.” The following are links to other articles in the series:
- Respecting My Kids: Privacy
- Respecting My Kids: The Case Against Spanking Children
- Respecting My Kids: Feelings
Group Therapy Opportunity
If you or someone you know would be interested in joining a weekly therapy group for parents, please contact me. Day, evening, and weekend times are available. Groups are kept small and provide a safe place to share your experiences, as well as to explore new possibilities. I offer a free brief phone consultation to determine whether or not this group would be a good fit for you. You may reach me with questions at lynndaviesknaub@gmail.com or 443-286-3432.
About Lynn Davies
I am a Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor with a Master of Science in Pastoral Counseling from Loyola University in Maryland. I have been in private practice for over fourteen years and have experience working with adults and adolescents, addressing a variety of issues: anxiety, depression, relationship problems, past or current trauma, eating disorders, self-mutilation, bereavement, parenting concerns, boundaries, and self-care.
- Web |
- More Posts(22)
kv6cZPCyzNY
X434EN8FVwX
Comment *Cập nhật tỷ lệ kèo nhà cái và tylekeo mỗi ngày từ các nhà cái uy tín châu Á. Kèo nhanh, chuẩn, giao diện dễ dùng – hỗ trợ soi kèo hiệu quả và lựa chọn thông minh.
iwin – cổng game bài đỉnh cao 2025, nơi hội tụ game thủ thượng lưu. Tải ngay IWIN CLUB APK/iOS/Android để trải nghiệm game hấp dẫn, giao dịch siêu tốc và nhận ưu đãi lớn!
Zostań do naszej i rozpocznij grę w najbardziej ekscytujące gry hazardowe! Świetny poradnik, dzieki za udzielenie wskazówek.
To zdecydowanie jeden z najbardziej szczegółowych, dobrze zorganizowanych i natychmiast zastosowalnych poradników, na jakie natrafiłem w ostatnim czasie. [url=https://markowetonery.pl/]Most bet[/url] Witaj w krainie internetowych kasyn online i bukmacherów! Dzięki progresowi technologii, możesz teraz używać ulubionymi rozrywkami hazardowymi i obstawiać na wydarzenia sportowe w dowolnym położeniu i chorążym. Nasze kasyno online oferuje szeroki gamę rozrywek, od klasycznych jednorękich bandytów do współczesnych gier planszowych, a nasze zakłady bukmacherskie obejmują wszelkie znane sporty. Załóż konto dzisiaj i zagarnij z atrakcyjnych premii startowych oraz cyklicznych promocji. Nie odkładaj, zostań do naszej i rozpocznij zabawę już natychmiast!
Hi88 – Chơi lớn, thắng lớn! Nơi không dành cho những trái tim ngập ngừng! Sân chơi của những chiến binh dám bùng nổ, dám thách thức vận mệnh. Chơi máu lửa, thắng huy hoàng – Bệ phóng cho những chiến thắng huyền thoại!
Thank you for every other wonderful article.
The place else may just anybody get that kind of information in such a perfect means of writing?
I have a presentation next week, and I am at the look for such info.
Hi there, I enjoy reading through your article. I like to write a little comment to support you.
Very nice post. I definitely love this site.
Continue the good work!
It is the best time to make some plans for the long
run and it’s time to be happy. I’ve read this submit and if I may I wish to counsel
you few fascinating issues or suggestions. Maybe you could write
next articles referring to this article. I want to learn even more things about it!
Hello there, You have done a great job. I will definitely digg it and personally recommend to my friends.
I’m confident they’ll be benefited from this site.
hello!,I really like your writing so much! percentage
we keep in touch more about your post on AOL? I need a specialist on this house to solve my problem.
Maybe that is you! Looking forward to see you.
Fine way of describing, and good post to take data on the topic of my presentation subject, which i am going to deliver in college.
We are a group of volunteers and opening a new scheme in our community.
Your site offered us with valuable info to work on.
You’ve done a formidable job and our whole community
will be grateful to you.
I don’t even know how I finished up right here, but I thought this post was
great. I don’t recognize who you’re however definitely you are
going to a well-known blogger in the event you are not already.
Cheers!
You really make it appear so easy along with your presentation however I in finding this matter to be really
one thing that I feel I would by no means understand.
It sort of feels too complicated and extremely huge
for me. I am looking ahead to your subsequent submit, I will try to
get the hang of it!
I every time spent my half an hour to read this
webpage’s articles daily along with a mug of coffee.
With havin so much content do you ever run into any issues of
plagorism or copyright violation? My blog has a lot of unique content I’ve either created myself
or outsourced but it seems a lot of it is popping it up all
over the internet without my authorization. Do you know any techniques to
help prevent content from being ripped off? I’d really appreciate
it.
I’m extremely impressed with your writing skills and also with the layout on your blog.
Is this a paid theme or did you customize it yourself? Either way
keep up the nice quality writing, it’s rare
to see a great blog like this one these days.
Wow, that’s what I was searching for, what a stuff!
present here at this webpage, thanks admin of this
web site.
This excellent website definitely has all of the information and facts I
needed about this subject and didn’t know who to ask.
Hi there, just became aware of your blog through Google, and found that it’s really informative.
I’m going to watch out for brussels. I will be grateful
if you continue this in future. Numerous people will be benefited from your writing.
Cheers!
I am sure this post has touched all the internet viewers, its really really
fastidious piece of writing on building up new web
site.
Hello, Neat post. There is an issue together with your web site in internet explorer, would check this?
IE still is the market chief and a big portion of other people
will omit your great writing because of this problem.
I enjoy what you guys tend to be up too. This type of clever
work and reporting! Keep up the fantastic works guys I’ve added you guys to
blogroll.
Hello there, You have done a great job. I will definitely digg it and
personally suggest to my friends. I am sure they’ll be benefited from this website.
This is a topic which is close to my heart… Thank you!
Where are your contact details though?
Hello there, You’ve done an excellent job. I’ll certainly digg it and personally
recommend to my friends. I’m sure they’ll be benefited from this web site.
An interesting discussion is worth comment. I believe that you ought to write more
about this subject matter, it may not be a taboo
subject but generally folks don’t speak about these subjects.
To the next! Cheers!!
It’s remarkable designed for me to have a site,
which is useful for my knowledge. thanks admin
I enjoy reading through an article that will make men and women think.
Also, thanks for permitting me to comment!
First of all I want to say fantastic blog! I had a quick
question in which I’d like to ask if you do not mind. I was interested to know how you center yourself and clear your
head before writing. I have had difficulty clearing my mind in getting my ideas out.
I do enjoy writing however it just seems like the first 10 to 15 minutes are usually lost just trying to figure out how to begin.
Any suggestions or hints? Thanks!
Thank you for the good writeup. It in fact was a amusement account it.
Look advanced to more added agreeable from you! However,
how could we communicate?
My brother recommended I might like this blog.
He was once entirely right. This put up actually made my day.
You can not imagine just how a lot time I had spent for
this information! Thanks!
I am sure this piece of writing has touched all the internet visitors, its really really
pleasant paragraph on building up new website.
I always spent my half an hour to read this webpage’s articles or reviews every day along with
a mug of coffee.
Excellent website. Lots of useful information here. I’m sending it to
a few pals ans also sharing in delicious. And of course, thank you for your sweat!
I do agree with all the concepts you have presented for your post.
They are very convincing and can definitely work. Nonetheless,
the posts are very brief for beginners. May just you please prolong them a bit from next time?
Thank you for the post.
An intriguing discussion is worth comment. There’s no doubt that that you need to publish more about this topic, it may not be a taboo matter but typically people do not discuss such subjects.
To the next! Best wishes!!
After exploring a number of the articles on your website, I
seriously like your way of blogging. I added it to my bookmark website list and will be checking back in the near future.
Please check out my website too and tell me your opinion.
That is a great tip especially to those fresh to the blogosphere.
Simple but very accurate info… Many thanks for sharing this one.
A must read post!
It’s going to be end of mine day, except before finish I am reading this impressive
piece of writing to improve my experience.
I have read so many content regarding the blogger lovers however this post is really
a pleasant article, keep it up.
Ahaa, its fastidious conversation regarding this piece of writing here at this web site,
I have read all that, so at this time me also commenting
here.
Hi there would you mind sharing which blog platform you’re using?
I’m planning to start my own blog in the near future but I’m
having a hard time making a decision between BlogEngine/Wordpress/B2evolution and Drupal.
The reason I ask is because your design seems different then most
blogs and I’m looking for something completely unique.
P.S My apologies for getting off-topic but I had to ask!
It’s not my first time to visit this web page, i am browsing this web
page dailly and obtain nice facts from here all the time.
Ограждения из профлиста — надежный способ оградить территорию. Профлист отличается устойчивостью к погодным условиям и практически не нуждается в уходе. Такие заборы изолируют территорию визуально, а установка осуществляется в короткие сроки.
[url=https://camremont.ru/zabory-iz-profnastila-estetika-funkczionalnost-i-preimushhestva/]https://camremont.ru/zabory-iz-profnastila-estetika-funkczionalnost-i-preimushhestva/[/url] Заборы из профнастила
I like the valuable information you provide for your articles.
I will bookmark your weblog and test once more here
regularly. I am quite sure I’ll be informed many new stuff proper here!
Best of luck for the following!
Wow, marvelous blog format! How long have you been blogging for?
you made running a blog glance easy. The entire glance of your website is magnificent, as smartly as the content!
whoah this weblog is fantastic i love reading your posts.
Keep up the good work! You know, many individuals are looking around for
this info, you could help them greatly.
These are really fantastic ideas in concerning blogging.
You have touched some good points here. Any way keep up wrinting.
My brother recommended I might like this blog. He used to be totally right.
This publish truly made my day. You cann’t believe just how a
lot time I had spent for this information! Thanks!
After looking at a number of the blog posts on your blog,
I honestly appreciate your way of blogging. I saved it to my
bookmark site list and will be checking back soon. Take a look at my
website as well and tell me your opinion.
Write more, thats all I have to say. Literally,
it seems as though you relied on the video to make your point.
You clearly know what youre talking about, why waste
your intelligence on just posting videos to your site when you could be giving us something informative to read?
There is definately a great deal to find out about this subject.
I love all the points you have made.
Great post however , I was wondering if you could write a litte more on this subject?
I’d be very grateful if you could elaborate a little bit further.
Cheers!
I don’t even know how I ended up here, but I thought this post
was great. I don’t know who you are but definitely you are
going to a famous blogger if you are not already 😉 Cheers!
I need to to thank you for this great read!! I certainly enjoyed
every little bit of it. I have got you saved as a favorite to check out new stuff you post…
I savor, result in I discovered exactly what I was taking a look for.
You have ended my 4 day long hunt! God Bless you man. Have a
great day. Bye
Hey There. I found your blog using msn. This is a very well written article.
I’ll make sure to bookmark it and return to read more of your useful information. Thanks
for the post. I will definitely return.
I have read so many posts concerning the blogger lovers but
this post is really a good paragraph, keep it up.
Oh my goodness! Awesome article dude! Thank you,
However I am experiencing difficulties with your RSS.
I don’t know the reason why I cannot join it. Is there anyone else getting identical RSS issues?
Anybody who knows the answer can you kindly respond? Thanks!!
Hello to every body, it’s my first go to see of this weblog; this webpage
carries remarkable and actually good stuff for readers.
This is my first time visit at here and i am truly happy
to read everthing at single place.
Excellent pieces. Keep posting such kind of information on your page.
Im really impressed by it.
Hey there, You’ve done an incredible job. I’ll certainly digg it and for
my part recommend to my friends. I am confident they’ll be benefited from this site.
Thanks , I’ve recently been searching for info about this
topic for a while and yours is the best I have discovered
so far. However, what about the bottom line? Are you certain in regards to the source?
Hey there this is kind of of off topic but I was wanting
to know if blogs use WYSIWYG editors or if you have to manually
code with HTML. I’m starting a blog soon but have no
coding experience so I wanted to get advice from someone with experience.
Any help would be greatly appreciated!
Useful information. Lucky me I discovered your website
accidentally, and I am surprised why this twist of fate didn’t took place earlier!
I bookmarked it.
Does your website have a contact page? I’m having trouble locating it but,
I’d like to shoot you an e-mail. I’ve got some suggestions
for your blog you might be interested in hearing. Either way,
great website and I look forward to seeing it grow over time.
I’m not that much of a internet reader to be honest but your sites really nice, keep it up!
I’ll go ahead and bookmark your site to come back later on. All the best
Quality posts is the important to be a focus for the visitors to visit the site, that’s what this site is providing.
Thanks a bunch for sharing this with all of us you really realize
what you’re talking approximately! Bookmarked.
Please additionally discuss with my site =). We could have a hyperlink change agreement among us
Hi there! This is kind of off topic but I need some help from an established blog.
Is it difficult to set up your own blog? I’m not very techincal but I can figure things out pretty fast.
I’m thinking about making my own but I’m not sure where to begin. Do you have any
tips or suggestions? Thanks
Excellent pieces. Keep writing such kind of information on your page.
Im really impressed by it.
Hey there, You have performed a great job.
I will definitely digg it and for my part recommend to my friends.
I’m confident they will be benefited from this web site.
Excellent blog right here! Also your web site lots up very fast!
What web host are you the usage of? Can I get your affiliate hyperlink in your host?
I wish my site loaded up as fast as yours lol
Very great post. I just stumbled upon your blog and wished to say that I’ve truly loved surfing
around your blog posts. After all I’ll be subscribing for your feed and I am hoping you
write once more soon!
Incredible story there. What happened after?
Thanks!
Howdy I am so happy I found your web site, I really found you by error, while
I was researching on Google for something else, Nonetheless I am here now and would just like to say thank you for a marvelous post and a all round exciting blog
(I also love the theme/design), I don’t have time to look over
it all at the minute but I have saved it and also included your RSS feeds, so
when I have time I will be back to read a lot more, Please do keep up the
superb jo.
Very great post. I simply stumbled upon your blog and wished to mention that
I’ve truly enjoyed surfing around your weblog posts. After all
I will be subscribing for your feed and I am hoping you write again soon!
Wow, this post is nice, my younger sister is analyzing these things, so I am
going to inform her.
I loved as much as you’ll receive carried out right here. The
sketch is attractive, your authored material stylish. nonetheless, you command get bought an shakiness over
that you wish be delivering the following. unwell unquestionably come more formerly again since exactly the
same nearly a lot often inside case you shield this hike.
Hello There. I found your blog using msn. This is an extremely
well written article. I’ll make sure to bookmark it and return to read more of your useful information. Thanks for the post.
I will certainly comeback.
Hi, its nice paragraph concerning media print, we all be aware of media is
a impressive source of information.
It’s nearly impossible to find knowledgeable people in this particular subject, but you sound like
you know what you’re talking about! Thanks
I’m truly enjoying the design and layout of your site.
It’s a very easy on the eyes which makes it much more pleasant for me to come here and visit more often. Did you
hire out a designer to create your theme? Great work!
Asking questions are really nice thing if you are not understanding something entirely, except this article offers nice
understanding even.
It is in point of fact a great and helpful piece of info.
I am glad that you simply shared this useful info with us.
Please stay us up to date like this. Thank you for sharing.
Heya i’m for the first time here. I came across this board and
I find It really useful & it helped me out much. I hope
to give something back and help others like
you aided me.
I do trust all of the concepts you have offered for your post.
They are very convincing and will definitely work. Nonetheless, the
posts are too brief for beginners. May just you please
prolong them a bit from next time? Thank you for the post.
I am truly thankful to the owner of this web site who has shared this great piece of
writing at here.
Ahaa, its pleasant discussion regarding this post at
this place at this webpage, I have read all that, so at this time me
also commenting here.
Today, while I was at work, my sister stole my apple ipad and tested to see if it can survive a 40
foot drop, just so she can be a youtube sensation. My
iPad is now destroyed and she has 83 views.
I know this is completely off topic but I had to share it with someone!
This paragraph provides clear idea designed for the new users of blogging,
that really how to do running a blog.
I like the valuable info you provide in your articles.
I’ll bookmark your weblog and check again here frequently.
I am quite certain I’ll learn a lot of new stuff right here!
Best of luck for the next!
Портал remont.kr.ua вам понравится обязательно. Тут присутствуют такие рубрики, как: ремонт, недвижимость, новости, рынок, строительство. Мы подготовили для вас подборку самых интересных материалов. Они взяты из открытых источников. https://remont.kr.ua/ – портал с удобным интерфейсом. Тут только полезная информация предоставлена. Будьте в курсе последних новостей. Статьи сопровождаются качественными фотографиями, они легко читаются. На ресурсе поиск имеется, советуем воспользоваться им. Добро пожаловать на наш ресурс!
wonderful issues altogether, you simply won a new reader.
What could you suggest in regards to your put up that you made some days ago?
Any sure?
An outstanding share! I have just forwarded this onto a friend who
was conducting a little research on this. And he in fact ordered
me dinner because I discovered it for him… lol. So let me
reword this…. Thank YOU for the meal!! But yeah, thanks
for spending some time to discuss this issue here on your web page.
I’d like to find out more? I’d love to find out some additional information.
Aw, this was an exceptionally good post. Finding the time and actual effort to produce a really good
article… but what can I say… I put things off a lot and don’t manage to get nearly anything done.
At this time it seems like WordPress is the preferred blogging platform available right
now. (from what I’ve read) Is that what you’re using on your blog?